Day 1

For the most part, this journey of mine has be come a big adventure and I now know what the excitement that other folks displayed was all about when I said, in a very casual way "yeah, Im going to Kenya to try and create more safe spaces for people to speak". At first I didnt get the hype. "Oh well, Im just going to Kenya" I thought. I underestimated that the planning for this trip would be like any other. I underestimated that friends would stay friends and business would stay business and everyone would keep their word. There is a biblical passage that explains my mindset "to the pure, all is pure".

As Im sitting here, enjoying the roast beef sandwich and blood runnin through my veins, I am reminded of my grandma Osie. She and I had a disagreement where I was ungodly blunt with her - respectful, but blunt. it was for the sake of a young girl and it was in total fear that the girl would undergo the multiple years of sexual abuse that my grandma Osie had absolutely no idea I endured. Anyway, that's another story. Case and point is that even though my intentions were honorable - that is still my grandmother and she has picked cotton, loved an alcoholic until his dying day, had eleven children and raised more than twenty. She deserves my patience at the least. I had no right being so quick with her. I apologized but the relationship has yet to be the same as it was before I told her a quick truth. But there is something that my grandmother once told me that counters or maybe adds to the biblical passage: "your plans make plans for you." Today, I really know and understand exactly what she meant.

My initial plan was to live with a certain set of friends and that went its own way. And then my plan was to save a chunk of money but I didnt know how bad I was at saving until I had to actually do it! Then my plan was to make money and people have been too busy to keep promises. The upside is that I have been given favor. People have given to me freely. I have had to learn to take. I have had to learn to let go of people who dont know how to give without in-debiting, I have had to learn that the majority of the people in my life are acquaintances - not friends and there is a huge difference. I figured it out today while I was transferring from the L train to the A on my way to 1st st and 1st Ave for Mike Geffner's show - here's the difference: a friend is a friend at ALL times - that's the Word, not me. And an enemy has the courage to declare war and make herself known - but an acquaintance is a friend or foe in wait. It is someone the soul is still trying to figure out if it should entreat or retreat from. I have so many acquaintances that I have been calling friend for the sake of their feelings because they want me to believe that I am their friend so badly. But why? Why lie? That's what this journey is helping me figure out. I've been lying - and Ive been slackin on this blog - which is my opportunity to get a quick truth to those who are asking for it, for the sake of people's feelings - mainly poets feelings because we dont want to see how we look - we'd rather tell you how you look and how wrong and short sighted you are! Many of us are truly the cowardly consciousness - the most sensitive orchestrator's of drama and ugliness and I cannot lie or hold my tongue about what I see - even though I see the shit storm coming like a train at me. Poets will read this and call, or text or comment but, whatever! This is my truth. My soul is a witness to it. And nothing is going the way I thought it would go - so what makes other poets so special?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/oct/28/kenya-war-somalia-al-shabaab

There is a war going on with Kenya involved. Nairobi has been bombed so I do not feel safe going there. Im going to chill in Europe and try to get as many gigs as I can there and hope the war between Kenya and their disagreeing country will mellow out. If not, I am thinking of beginning the project in another country. This has truly become an adventure. Im draggin you with me!