So its around 7AM and Im just waking up. A good writing prompt for my novel awoke me from my sleep. I haven't written it down yet - its still in the back of my head festering. Im really taking my time with this novel. I want to make sure all of the pieces and words and ideas are servants to one another so I am not just waking up and "flowing" in any way. Instead, I'm treating this process like a crime: I want to make sure the details and executions are as simple and precise and clear as possible and Im not doing all of this thinking and planning to get caught up in unneccessary emotional evidence and have to apologize in the end. So Imma blog before I get back to my novel just to get the extra shit off my mind.
You know whats scary about bloggin? People actually read this shit! I mean, I thought that most people glanced over it and thought "yeah yeah Joyce, we know you travelin and doin your thing. I just wanted to check in on the date for your last entry to make sure your silly ass is breathing" but its not like that at all. People - who are NOT subscribed are actually readin this shit. Thats scary. Because I have promised myself to be candid in this thing and . . . . Ok, good example:
In a past blog I wrote about how I had to change my trip from Africa to Germany and I mentioned that I didnt consider how I didnt have any winter clothes until it began snowing in New York. Now, I swear on my soul, I was just giving friends an update on my little adventure. But last night I got a phone call from a friend Sweet N Shamelss (thats her stage name) and she was asking me where I was because shed put together a care package of mittens and a winter scarf, long johns, and a couple of sweaters so "you won't freeze your tits off in New York or Germany" <== her words, not mine. Now Sue (her real name) is a giver. She's just a kind hearted person - she cant help it and I appreciate her so much for her giving. But honest, it caught me so off guard that it scared me.
Another example: I am in love. I have been for several months now. The man I love doesnt feel the same. Its not a big deal - we have an understanding. The understanding is: I love him, he dont love me and I'm dealing with it as realistically as possible. He is one of my best friends. So yesterday we are shootin each other little Facebook messages back and forth and he shares a quick piece of writing with me. I read it a couple times, give him my favorite line and tell him about my novel and he responds "yeah, I read your little blog" and my heart swallowed spit. I wanted to go back and erase the rapper and bartender I flirted with. Not that my Love cares - he doesnt. But I do. I dont want him to believe that my love is a lie and that now that he is out of sight he is easy to replace. That's not true. What is true is what I wrote and what I will continue to write. I mean, even this confession will be read. And I may have to answer for it but so what. Its how I feel and I cant keep censoring myself for fear of confrontation. Ive done that often in my past until two girls showed me a mirror and I disliked what I saw so much that I shattered it and burned the bridges of it's frame.
Well, thats about that. Im up in the morning (yaaaaay) and I am about to write and read and go for a serious stroll today. Later for now.
Keep writing. We'll keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes a spontaneous outpouring of love can be unsettling.......love is the most powerful thing in the universe and that power feels scary at times. You are loved....accept it......and it makes people feel fantastic to express their admiration of your talent and their friendship for you. Its also good Karma. my very favorite quotes are two that describe the principles of Karma 1)"What Goes around, Comes around"
ReplyDelete2) "You can't keep it unless you give it away"
Its always worked for me. SO thank you for letting me know about something you needed because it gave me an opportunity to deposit in my Karma bank! Hugs and Bon Voyage Sweetie.....SweetnShameless