It JUST Got Real

Yesterday morning I was in DC recovering from a 24 hour car ride from Brooklyn, NY to Toronto, Canada to Baltimore, MD. I stayed with a very sweet and funny man named Mark who I used to work with in San Francisco. Him and his girlfriend Neta were so nice to me. Mark is a comedian an actor. He's one of the best impersonators I know but he hasnt really taken the leap that he feels he should and he said what I am doin is inspiring. I told him that I honestly didn#t think it was a huge deal and was almost numb to it. I mean, I've gone through a lot that I'm not tellin you all - not cause I dont want to, but because there just honestly aint enough hours in the day!

Toronto, Canada was fun. It was my first time in Canada. I was there for an erotic show called The Sweet Spot that my friend Ainsley puts on. There are burlesque dancers, poets, comedians, singers and erotic competitions. usually the show gets wild - really wild, but we had to really warm Canada up. The crowd was majority black womyn and they were very shy. Anywho, it was fun and I got paid in Canadian money so it all was a first.

This entire trip seemed like it would never happen. I thought I would NEVER really get out of America. Honest. I kept thinkin in my head that I would sooner get hit by a car and kept awaiting my sudden death these past couple of days. i dont know why my mind went to such a dramatic place. I think its because America has made itself such a . . . . reoccuring dream and nightmare to me and my familair surroundings. I dont know too many people (especailly womyn) in my family who have left it JUST to leave it. And the people in mz family are so strong willed that only something a hundred times stronger than them could halt them in anything they set their minds to - so I never thought this day would come.

Yesterday when Mark took me to the airport my heart began to pound out of my chest. It felt like I was somewhere between a panic attack and an orgasm. I sat silently and tried to keep my cool. I finally confessed "man, this shit just got real!" and Mark was like "oh you feelin it, now?" I said "yeah, I'm finally feelin it." And we both began laughing.

The plane ride was just like any other plane ride I'd taken before except this one flight attendant was really partail to me for some reason. Not in a sexual way at all. She was not old enough to be my mother but she was very motherly towards me. It was like our spirits were very old friends. I didnt sleep at all. I didnt feel excited. Or maybe I was so excited I went numb again. Either way, there was no sleep. This morning when I arrived in germany I couldn't believe it.

I walked into the terminal and the majority of things were written in German. I had someone waiting for me downstairs but I needed to find my the baggage claim. I didn't ask for help. I am determined to figure out as much as I can by myself.

I found my bag and my friend's friend Dianna. Dianna is an adorable straight faced german womyn with cat eyes and short, coarse hair. We introduced and then she took me for breakfast.

When we went outside it was foggy and all of the buildings are structured so differently. I kept saying 'I can#t believe I'm here'. We went to one of Dianna's jobs and she insisted that she treat. I'm on too tight a budget to refuse. She talks to the people in German and I listen carefully. Some of it I understand just from how the words sound and I would repeat what I thought Dianna said like 'you want coffee and a soft boiled egg?' and she would say 'yes!' and I would say 'you want double shots of coffee?' and she would agree again. She asked me had I studied and I told her just a bit - like an idy bidy bit. I told her that the English language is a mix of so many others that some of the words automatically translate for me.

Dianna and I sat and talked. We truly enjoyed each other. She was supposed to take me to breakfast, then to school with her, then drop me off at another friend of a friend's to rest but she decided to ditch her class and kick it with me some more over a beer. We talked alot about politics and social mannerisms, and do's and don'ts and blue collar workers and education. It was really nice till my sleep decided to catch up with me and she dropped me off at a "flat" in Frankfurt to get some rest. So, that's where I am now.

A young man named David let me inside and they had a room for me. It was David's first time meeting Dianna and her first time coming to the house so I have truly been at the mercy of strangers all day. David's English is not as fluid as Dianna's and I love it. I told Dianna to speak to me in German, and I kept askin David how to say things in German and he would ask me the English word for it.

I'm still working on the novel and it is coming out powerful and beautiful. My new goal is to finish and publish the novel before I come back home.