I am so ready for the new year. I dont mean that in a celebratory sense either - I mean, of course I wanna celebrate. But I'm talkin about I am ready - already, for the new year. I was just thinkin of some of the things that I've had to do just to be my most authentic self. And the main thing I've had to do to be ME, is to be ME even when it hurts other folks feelings.
See I was raised to believe that a friend loves at all times. Actually, that's Biblical scripture. So one of the hardest things Ive had to do this year is cut folk the fuck outta my life who really didnt want to be in MY life - they just wanted to breathe my air. Cuttin people off is hard for me because I was raised in a family who just dont do that. We got all kinds of folks we still keep around and love on that we shouldve disowned before I was born! And honestly, I've cut them off too. My family members look at me in shock when I say "I won't have anything to do with Such N' Such and they are not allowed around my kids when I have em!" Its almost like sayin I aint a Christian. They look at me like "well, what are you?!"
Well, what I am is ready for the New Year. I've grown so much this year. Fast, I've grown so fast and still gotta lot of growin to do. Hopefully next year life will teach me more about men because honestly, I just dont get em. They are the most outwardly fearless, inwardly afraid creatures Ive ever seen. I wish I could cut them off too but my libido is RIDICULOUS at 30 and unfortunately, I'm heterosexual. Oh Lord, and the men in Germany . . . Jesus Christ . . . Well, Ive only been here 3 weeks but . . . Cornballs! So Corny. Well, not gonna lie, the dancer, Patrick . . . he was hella cool. But Lord, he's an exception.
I miss my friend back home. We had hella fun together. Im not lookin to replace him (trust me, there really is no replacement and I thank god for it) but all I do is work and sleep out here. There is almost NO FUN lately. I think on New Years Imma do what I can to go visit my friend Paige and party HELLA hard in Istanbul, Turkey with her if I get enough money to get there and stay for a week.
Gigs are steady. Comin in slow and sure. Im making more and more connects. Met a guy last night who heard my CD online, loved it and came to see me perform at this open mic. I almost didnt recognize him. He was black, long thin locs, suit - no tie. Very handsome with a nice, shiny wedding ring on. He told me my CD surprised him. He was very impressed and rarely pays attention to whats on FB because so many folks post so many things. Anyway, he works for an international airline and is gonna try and get me to tour Nigeria. He said a great spot for me to perform is in front of Fela's Shrine. I told him I would be honored. Then he asked me a few questions about my trip. I told him the truth. He began rubbing his head "Sister, you came all the way here alone - with no set plan?!" I told him dont worry about me, Im fine. And I began to laugh at the look on his face. He looked like a worried father. Anyway. Nice man. We're supposed to get together on Tuesday and see what happens.
Right now, Im finna take my bored ass to the JazzKeller and see what's crackin. I aint been there since Thanksgivin.