I think I have my days switched completely around. I sleep all day - like for real. I used to sleep a lot the last few days I was in California but, man, I will literally go to sleep at like 7 AM and sleep until 6pm and then I'll get dressed and go out, eat at like 4 or 5 AM, come back to the house and write for a couple hours. I feel like a Vampire. This city really doesnt sleep. I dont know how people do it.
Ive been trying to explain the time difference to my family. I told my sister Wizzy and my cousin Tamishe
"you know how in Cali if you wake up at like 8 in the morning you'll see people on they way to work, kids on they way to school? At around noon you see mostly kids who are cutting school and adults on lunch breaks or without jobs? And then at like 6 it's mainly folks rushin home from work, around eight to 10 its mainly adults and teens - but no kids out? Well, here, you can be on a subway at 4 AM and it has the same mix of people as a California afternoon. It's so easy to lose track of time here because every minute and hour looks like a California afternoon, even when it's dark."
I think another reason I've become nocturnal is because I aint got shit to do right now in my life except for write. I got my confirmation number to Germany. I wish I could leave tomorrow but the soonest everything is open is on the 8th of November - next monday. So in the meantime between time I'm just pinchin pennies and chillin.
I have been writing my black ass off! I love the new direction my writing is taking. I've all of a sudden found myself working on a novel that I am absolutely in love with. I am actually writing the type of work that I would be interested in reading. I love it. I feel like a writer for the first time in my life and I've given myself full permission to operate in that feeling and cant no one tell me otherwise.
Today I just stayed in. I ate a little - I havent had much of an appetite sine I left Cali. I think I'm heartbroken, but I expected to be so - whatever. I get very thirsty here and the tap water is awful. Its just truly disgusting and I'm always thirsty. lol.
The men here are not much different than the men in Cali. I used to think there was a huge difference but there really isnt. Most men nowadays just dont take the time to try and understand womyn. I dunno if its because they dont have to or what - but Lord! I like that the men in New York approach me boldly. But after they get past hello they dont really know what to say or do. Most of them offer me drinks. And of course I love drinks. So I drink and wait for them to be who they are and not who they think I want to fuck that night . . . and they just buy me more drinks and hope that I'll get drunk and make it easier for them . . . and then I'll stop drinking and go home. This has happened 3 times already.
I met one guy that I was really attracted to. I saw him rap at a venue. I thought he was hilarious and found his security sexy. Afterwards he sat next to me and I didnt say anything to him, I just smiled. He smiled back. I thought "he could get it". Later I got on the mic and said a couple of poems. The men in the room absolutely loved em. After the show the guy that I liked came and introduced himself. We complimented each other. He asked me for my number and pretended it was about business. I played along. I asked him what was up with the night, it was young. Is there a fun place to go and dance. He told me where him and his friends were goin and I told him me and my girls would meet him there. We did. I had already told my girls that I was goin there just to flirt with him.
The place is PACKED with men. The bartender is SO fine - even his earlobes had muscles. He and I caught eyes and he smiled a naughty, freaky, McNasty, sexual smile and my grin almost touched my ears. But I didnt say nothin to him because I wanted to see how it played out with the guy I met earlier. Long story short - me and dude ran into each other on the dance floor. I had to literally push other men out of my path to get to him. He came and got me through the crowd, held my hand and we started dancin. He was not much of a dancer. I LOVE dancin. So off top, I was thinkin "boooooooo! but whateva - let's see if he can hang with my conversation." Nope. He was quiet. It seemed like he wanted to say so much but just didnt know what to say. I kept leavin him. Thinkin maybe he was nervous and needed time to get his words and swag back in place. Nope. This was who he was: someone totally different than swagful, secure performer. So, I thought "Ok back to the bartender".
The music is still goin and I look at the bartender until he looks at me and we start grinnin at each other again. He motions for me to come to him and I do. He pours me a drink. I start whisperin in his ear, makin him laugh so hard he's knocked my drink over and had to pour me another one. So we start flirtin. Then I think about somethin he said and I say to myself "wait - he's a baby!" So I go back to him and ask him his age. "How old do you think I am?" "You're 21 because you're in here. But you're barely 21!" He looked at me and asked me how I knew. "Cause you still don't know trouble when it's starrin you in the face!" he laughs hard again. I laugh with him and peck him on the cheek, drink my drink and leave. When I get home, the rapper texts me saying he hopes I had a nice night and I think - Lord, I was hopin I'd have one myself. Sweet guy though. Really sweet.
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